Movin' on up!

Today, I am happy to say, I had my 3 week checkup and I am doing great!  I have had such a good day today and I could not be any happier.  3 weeks ago, I woke up at Northside Hospital in pain, groggy, stitched up horizontally across each breast, and with 4 Jackson Pratt drains (J-P drains) attached under my armpits with 2 on each side.  3 weeks ago today, I could not get myself up out of my own bed to move from one place to another and 3 weeks ago today I was unsure as to how long it would take to begin feeling more like myself.

Today, I feel like myself!  Praises and thanks to everyone who has given me prayers and love and encouragement throughout.  

3 weeks has come with some hiccups for sure.  Allergic reactions, and rashes, and stiff necks, oh my!  But, one thing is for sure, I have cried (more than I expected), I have laughed, I have gotten use to a metamorphic me, but I have not given up and I realize, I am a hell of a lot stronger than I would have expected.  

But here is the greatest thing of all, my drains are out, my drains are out, my drains are out (insert happy dance)!  For those that are unfamiliar with J-P drains there are no better words to describe them other than they S-U-C-K!  Yes, this is coming from an English teacher.  These drains are great for their purpose which is to pull excess fluid away from the surgical site to prevent infection and abscesses but they are the pits, no pun intended.  I felt like an octopus for 21 long days with these grenade-looking appendages coming out from my armpits.  Not only did I have these lovely extra attachments that openly showed all the draining fluid to anyone that walked by but I could not shave or wear deodorant while they were in.  When I was talking to my plastic surgeon before my surgery about what to expect never did she say, “Cara, you are going to have to walk around in 91 degree heat embracing your French heritage.  You not only get to sport hairy arm pits and smell oh, so, organic, but you get to wear a long sleeved shirt out in public so not to offend the “average” man with your fluid-filled grenades.”  Seriously, not that her telling me this would have been a make it or brake it for having my breasts removed but a warning would have been nice J  Most people have their drains out by two weeks but my mom always said, I liked to march to the beat of my own drum, so 21 days it was.  I was beginning to joke, if these did not come out soon, I was going either have to buy gauge earrings to place in the now permanent holes or change my tax information with from 0 dependents to 2 dependents (I mean they were sucking me dry)!  Okay, enough of the griping of my drains because they are gone!!!!

Overall, though, I am surprised at how good I feel.  I was able to get dressed up for the first time on Friday and meet a long time friend, Sean, at a restaurant he manages called the Atlanta Fish Market.  It was so nice to be able to go buy a new dress, put on some makeup, have Ginny do my hair (I still have trouble reaching up), and feel “normal” again.  Going out still wears me out and I cannot imagine how I would do this if I did not have summer break but I feel good.  I am even happy with what I see in the mirror.  My body has changed quite a bit but I am proud of it.  My breasts have a long way to go but the growing pains are manageable.  Life is good.

                                            My extra appendage that I had become less than fond of.

                                   Armed for battle! Had to hook my "grenades" onto a belt :)

                    As Garth Brooks sings, "IIIII'M drain-less!" I think that's how the song goes ;)
                                                                       Free at last!!!

My first outing (before my drains were gone)!! :) If you look closely you may see some tiny mounds!

Me and G at the Atlanta Fish Market

                                 G, myself and Sean.  Thank you Sean for making me feel like a queen!
                                          

Applesauce please, with a glass of fiber!

One of the best things that was told to me since going into the hospital was from one of my techs when she said, “this is the end of a chapter in your life, and now you can put that chapter behind you and start a new one.” She then asked me what team I was on, and I responded, “Team Cara!” The conversation was brought on because in that moment I was feeling frustrated because I felt like I needed to be further along than I was. Ever since she said that to me, I have held that as a mantra in my heart.

As most of you know I am a glass half full kind of girl. I try to see the positive out of any situation to the annoyance of some people sometimes. Being positive was how I was raised and as my mom would tell me, “it is what it is, don’t be a victim.” However, since coming home the reality of this journey has hit me like a ton of bricks.  ***Random side note that has nothing to do with this, I had to take a moment to eat two saltine crackers because I am feeling nauseous. Which reminded me of when I was in the hospital and could not eat or drink (a few days ago) and was extremely parched. They kept trying to feed me saltines, which was completely moronic in my opinion because not only could I not swallow anything, you are now forcing me to chew saw dust particles in my mouth…anyways moving right along.***  I’ve had several break downs, mostly to do with the frustration of feeling like I’m eighty years old. I try to make a joke out of it with Ginny, but this is my reality right now.  My morning routine starts out with a cup of apple sauce and a side of Colace (for those of you who do not know what Colace is, it’s a stool softener. LOL) After about thirty minutes of willing myself to get out of bed due to muscle soreness, I take the paper to sit on the toilet for another 30 minutes, to no avail. After shuffling out of the restroom, disappointed at the fact that I did not leave the kids at the pool today, I ask Ginny to put on my robe and slippers, so we can take a walk outside. As I slowly do the shuffle around the parking lot I become very tired and in need of my 11AM nap. At around noon Ginny comes in, feeds me my pills, and then I fall back asleep. Around 3:00 PM I decide it’s time for me to get up and get dressed for the day. Having to sit down, reminding myself “only one leg at a time,” I slowly begin to feel more human. Knowing that I will have to take another round of meds, and completely aware of the fact my bathroom output is less than desirable, Ginny fixes me lunch that consists of pudding, Metamucil and prunes.  And again we take a shuffle around the parking lot. The best part of feeling like I’m eighty right now is throughout the day I’m unaware of the fact that I pass gas, and question “who farted??”

Although all of the above is true, I bank on the fact that this is just temporary, and as the Tech said this is a new chapter of my life. Who would have thought  the most difficult part of a double mastectomy would not be the pain but feeling elderly! LoL

Still alive and kicking!

I will begin by saying Ginny is writing what I am dictating. With this in mind, I am on heavy pain killers and muscle relaxers, therefore this may be incoherent. It’s been a little over 24 hours since my surgery and it’s hard to describe my feelings right now. I remember rolling into the O.R. with all of my doctors and anesthesiologists, when the anesthesiologist said to me, “I am going to put you to sleep now.” As they were putting the oxygen mask on me, I had to tell them a funny incident that happened with me while at Scottish Rite. So Dr. Amerson took the breathing mask off and I shared with them that I had taken care of a family and one of the anesthesiologists at Scottish Rite said to the child, “I’m going to put you to sleep now.” Quickly after she said that, the child began to cry uncontrollably. The mother informed the anesthesiologist that they had just put their dog down to sleep. The last thing I remember in the O.R. is that all of the nurses and anesthesiologist and Dr. Amerson started laughing and then she placed the mask over my face to put me to sleep.

Last night was difficult. I had a lot of nausea and a vomiting episode, along with pain from my incisions. The medical staff here has been incredible. They have provided me with the upmost care, including both emotional care and pain killers! It hit me around 7pm yesterday when I had to wake up to use the restroom and the tech walked me in and waited patiently for 15 minutes, what seemed like forever. Finally feeling frustrated by not being able to use the restroom and shaking because I have been lying in the bed consistently, I started to cry and sob. The tech was amazing, along with Ginny, as they just sat there and let me hold their hands while I cried through frustration. The pain was getting pretty bad, so they gave me a double dose of pain killers, and I was able to fall asleep. I eventually woke up having to use the restroom, knowing I had a full bladder. After attempt #2 with no avail they laid me back down in bed and decided to cath me. Here’s the humor out of the unnecessary bit of information you are probably not wanting to read: I had a nurse come in and immediately ask me if I was pregnant. My thought process is as followed (mind you I did not say this out loud), “no dumbass, why the hell do you think you are in here? To help eliminate my distended belly due to the amount of urine in my bladder!!” I just gratefully smiled and said, “no I’m not, but thanks for asking.” 

Both surgeons have come and visited me today and want me to go home. I’m feeling more overwhelmed and anxious for the first time, than I have throughout this whole journey. I’m more mobile today than I was yesterday, but the pain and dizziness are a little disconcerting.  

The one thing that has been incredible since being admitted into the hospital yesterday are the amount of friends that have come and seen me, the loving phone calls I have received and feeling everyone’s support whether near or far. There is no doubt in my mind I am in the right hands with God, working through an incredible team of surgeons and nurses who have taken the upmost care of me. I will continue to update, via Ginny, and maybe if you are lucky you will get a funny Blog while I’m high on pain meds. :)

                                              Me, before surgery and before the loopy meds.

                                 Ginny, me, and Cindy, after surgery :) Still giving a thumbs up!

 

Cindy, Ginny and my dad, sporting their Team Cara shirts.

 

 Amy and Cindy, my BFF's

Ready, Set, Go!

It is 4am and the good news is, it is way too damn early to be nervous about anything.  I will preface this blog by one comment, if it is incoherent I apologize.  Due to the fact it is 4 am, I have no intention of being the scrutinizing blogger I usually am!

Praise God but I was able to spend the night at my friend, Amy’s, house last night so we could sleep a little later.  She lives about 15 minutes from the hospital as oppose to the hour + I am from in Dahlonega.  My restful stupor last night was all but impressive.  Amy has a wonderful home and a comfortable bed but for the first time since this journey, I had anxiety for tomorrow.  It was strange, I found myself not wanting to close my eyes and fall asleep because I knew if I did tomorrow would come.  As I laid there I made Ginny promise she would keep her eyes opened with me and not fall asleep until after I decided I was tired enough to pass out.  The nice thing about having this mastectomy, though, is people want to pamper me (honestly I’m having to get use to the idea of being waited on) and Ginny asked what would help me get tired so I totally used my “woe is me” card and had her running her hands throughout my hair until my eyelids were like heavy weights.

What I am feeling right now is peculiar because the one thing I am worried about is remembering I am not supposed to have anything to eat or drink after midnight last night.  They have drilled into my head, “NO FOOD, NO DRINKS” that I am questioning even if my saliva is okay to swallow.  Seriously!  The food thing is not a big deal to me but I need COFFEE!!  I have to get to the hospital at 5:30 this morning to register and they want me to do that without coffee in my blood, good grief! 

Well, I am off to try to feel somewhat human-like before my body undergoes a slight metamorphism.  Considering this is the last shower I will get for a few days, I want to make sure I smell nice for my surgeons.  Honestly, I just want to make sure my armpits are shaved because how embarrassing for me while they are taking the girls and notice I have a forest under my arms!  I’ve watched the show House enough times to know I don’t want them talking about me under the knife, “Bless her heart, she must be one of those natural girls!”

Ginny will be updating my blog for awhile and I will be dictating what to type to keep everyone up to date.  Thank you for all your prayers, for all your positive energy, and all your good vibes.  I am in God’s hands, under the care of incredible surgeons, and have so many of your prayers on my side.  How blessed I am. 

Much love!