My mom use to tell me that it takes a year...4 seasons to
feel the effects of change. Well, it has
been 4 full seasons, one whole year since I chose to have my mastectomy, and my
mom was right, there has been some definite changes!
I woke
up this time last year not sure what the future of mastectomy and
reconstruction would hold, but I trusted my decision would be the best
thing I could do for myself and my family.
This year has had its ups and downs with my recovery. However, it has
proven to me that my body, mind, and spirit are able to withstand the toughest
of trials. I had to overcome several
physical drawbacks and I have had to learn how to accept my body in its new metamorphosis. To share very candidly, it is surprising
how long it has taken me to fully feel comfortable with my body. Don’t get me wrong, I love that I can wear
strapless dresses and tanks that never fit quite right before, but getting use
to the lack of feeling and some new beauty marks has taken time.
But through
the trials and tribulations, the tears, and the pain, I have accomplished more
in this year than I ever thought possible.
Since having my surgery and while going through reconstructions and more
surgeries, I was able to look at life a little differently. I once told myself, “I will have my mastectomy
when I am with someone who will love me unconditionally.” What I have learned is, life is precious and
one should live every moment for each blessing. Life is not defined by pre or post surgeries or pre-cancer or
post-cancer, life is defined by the memories we make. Metaphorically speaking, life is that dash which will one day be on my
tombstone between my birth date and death date.
So, in
this year I have chosen to build my memories. During reconstruction, Ginny and I decided it
was the perfect time to begin looking for our future home. Without much stress and through a lot of
prayer, we were able to purchase and move into our first home! In this year, I worked diligently to provide
my students and colleagues my best with teaching and was humbly grateful when I
was nominated and voted teacher of the month.
Within this year, my friend, Carrie has inspired me to get back into
shape and begin doing what I love and that is running and physical
exercise. I have been thrilled seeing the
small changes in strength by doing something as difficult (b/c it’s not easy
after a mastectomy) as pushups. Finally,
within this year I have made the choice to go back to school and am now proudly
a graduate student getting my degree in school counseling!
The
latter part of my accomplishments is near to my heart. I have mentioned in a previous blog, sadly my
mom never saw me walk across the stage to receive my diploma in
college. She told me her goal was to live long
enough to see me walk across that stage. Unfortunately, she passed away from breast cancer
3 days before I was supposed to walk. On her last
breath, I told her I loved her and accomplished what she wanted for me, "to get that piece of paper". Now, I am going a step
further and I want nothing more than to walk across that stage so my mom can
look down from Heaven and see me receive my diploma.
I have
my one year appointment tomorrow with the surgeon, and I am excited to see what
she has to say. In all honesty, there is
a little more work to be done, but I am in no rush. I have been given back time, and all the
other “stuff” will come when I feel like it!
